Quote:
Originally Posted by LolaCabanna
Ill take a stab at it....
You seem to have a sense of duty to the group as a senior member and therefore you are feeling as though the other senior member is kind of leaving the load on your shoulders. Perhaps that person is just a little more selfish as they feel no responsibility to the group as whole? But ultimately its not your job either, if you want to continue to go don't do it out of a sense of responsibility... do it because you want to.
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Thanks, Lola. You're right, I do feel a sense of responsibility to the group and do feel a bit let down by the other group member.
I know that it's not my job - and T and I even talked about this recently when trying to figure out why there are times when I dissociate, freeze and shut down in group and other times when I don't. When I act on that feeling of responsibility, I tend to stay more present. I told T that being responsible for helping the group process is not my job, he said it's the "#1 job that I have"....and he encouraged me to hold onto my sense of being a leader in the group as it helps me to recognize that vulnerability doesn't lead to being harmed but can rather lead to closeness. Ultimately, I need to be able to understand that I don't have to be a leader in order to gain closeness, but perhaps this is merely a step in my journey - and someday, I'll be able to learn that I can be vulnerable without feeling that sense of responsibility.