I don't think you can micromanage him, obviously he's going to do what he chooses to do. I wouldn't do anything for him that he should do for himself; he's a grown man and has therapists, coaches, etc. and has to want to work with them and help himself. Yes, if he doesn't help himself it hurts you too because you care but you can't "do" anything about that except grieve. I wouldn't put forth any more money/energy until he earns some respect from you through his efforts to get better and I'd do a little thinking about "steps" you want to see. Looks to me like he may be paying you back for leaving him and going on the business trip? That sort of behavior has to stop in a grown man? You still love him and "support" him in struggling with his depression but you can't struggle for him is the difference. It is his problem in the end. Protect yourself in the future by not "investing" yourself and money any further, treat him like you would a good friend in the same situation; you wouldn't house and feed and pay for schooling for a friend at your own expense. . . Treat him like the therapist/coaches but with a little more love. Back rubs are great but not dragging him to the shower, etc. You can't live his life for him.