Stopdog, I don't believe at all that self-care would be deemed selfish. I was merely trying to figure out how to describe and convey my own reaction/feeling about his decision, since that's what we work towards in group (identifying our feelings and expressing them). I try to steer clear of making judgments - like calling something selfish. I felt let down - and by looking further into why, I was able to see what role I play in group and how my choice in roles impacts how I feel towards others. It's quite eye opening, actually. A learning process.