Hmm. That's a good point.

I don't feel deserving, as I know I have been difficult when it comes to addressing the tough issues. I could have had trauma work resolved by now if I didn't avoid it so much.

Also, since T tried to terminate me recently, I'd imagine that T wouldn't be interested in lowering his fee for me - as it would give him less incentive to put up with me.

Also, the one person who said that T sees her and her H for a copay told me that she was trying to get an appt. with him the week before his vacation and couldn't get in because T was booked. I saw T earlier that day - and he mentioned that he was trying to see people before he left. I offered to give up my 2nd session that week so that he could see someone else in need, and he responded saying it wasn't necessary because he still had some slots available. Hearing the group member say that they couldn't get in because T was booked (when I talked to him earlier that same day where he said he had sessions available) left me wondering if he deliberately made himself unavailable to them because he wasn't being compensated fully.

I also believe that it impacts the relationship - creates an even greater imbalance in the relationship.

Then again, I have been a reliable client who doesn't cancel and always pays....and has paid probably in excess of $18,000 to T over the last 4 years.

I just can't stand the idea of T seeing me for less $ - yet I'm angry, envious and resentful that others are able to do it. ACK.