Well I called the crisis care line and a woman I am guessing was probably in her 80's kept saying she couldn't hear me, could I speak up. I was yelling really loud so she could hear me asking for help. To the point I was afraid I was gonna wake my children. She finally responded I can't hear you, just call this number ( insert random number here ) in the morning they can help you.

I hung up completely at a loss for anything. I felt like all the air had been knocked out of me. But, I did not give up. I called that number this morning and it was a non-exsistent one. ( ha, jokes on me ) So, I looked up the local number for a couseling center here and spoke with a person on the phone. I have my first initial appt. for Dec. 6th. When I explained to the lady about calling their crisis line she was appalled and very apologetic about. I was in tears and just told her it was ok. So off to a shakey start but, hopefully it will get better. Have had a rough day so far. Lost my temper more than a few times but, have all 3 home sick so not so bad becuase, they are mostly sleeping. I'm trying this time, really trying to get help. Thank you all for the advice and dealing wtih me.