... and I can't shake the thought of you.

As absurd as it is to use a Dido lyric... it does express perfectly how I feel about the situation. Though Dido may sing this song with some kind of wistful melancholy (or so I remember) I do not.

I broke up with him a year ago and but we went back and forth a while until finally about two months ago I blocked him out of my life completely. He was (is... he's not dead) a serial manipulator, control freak (in ways which are quite twisted) and unfaithful. But I was besotted and did so many things for him (emigrated for one).

I still find myself on a daily basis... maybe two, three times a day, getting reminded of his existence and it feels like a punch in the gut. I stall. Usually lose the trail of thought. At night it's worse. I usually resort to substances to take the edge off that or other guys.

Any advice, it feels like such a typical thing to ask, on how to get over him? How not to let myself be dragged down any more by someone who wasted three and a half years of my life and who despite it all I am still obviously in love with?