I hope all of you here who are labeling yourself "codependent," realize that that term has become a catchall for any and all dysfunctional, and sometimes even NORMAL caring behavior in relationships.
I am very familiar with codenpendent philosophies and theories, having poured over and even memorized many of the majoy books on the subject.
I also attended the 12 step program of CODA, which I found to be misguided among the members of my particular group.
I am very familiar with the work of Sam Vaknin, himself an admitted Narcissist who is beyond redemption, who does not have a degree in Psychology or Counseling, yet he has posted a major website drawing people into his theories,etc., and the only person allowed to give feedback on that site is....well....Sam Vaknin. Be very careful of what you think you are gleaning from him as knowledge and insight. I should also add here that I too was a member of one of the MSN forums of which you speak, and Sam was not given much credence there.
In the end, I think the term and condition of "codependency" has become too broad. Fayerody has given us a very clear, textbook definition of what was originally intended in the condition, but it has evolved to represent anything and everything that doesn't work out in a relationship.
Finally, I just want to comment on the nature of this thread, which has evolved from the original subject of sleeping with numerous men in a laisez faire arrangement to "doing your own thing and being all you can be" to codependency and BP. There is nothing healthy in engaging in sex with multilple partners. It is a "fix" for a temporary high and an escape from emotional pain.
If one truly feels she/he is "codependent," then the only recourse is to get help, either with counseling or in some sort of group.
Sincerely,
Patty