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Jul 10, 2013, 01:01 PM
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Member Since: Jun 2007
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 5,518
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseBee
That's what I am trying to figure out. He considers the kiddo to be extended family, as you put it: "I feel like in most ways, he's not even really my kid."
I have so much fear and anxiety concerning this situation, I want to avoid it, but am meeting it head on. I have a symbol problem. The kid, while being a little breathing ball of genetic material running around, is also symbolic. I don't like reminders of his past relationships, who does? He is also a reminder that I will be the second "baby mama" in his life if we progress that far. I don't want that. Then there's my stubborn little two year old self digging in her heels at being made to do something she doesn't want to do. Yes, I consciously know I am making the choices here and no one can MAKE me do anything.
I go between being okay with everything, hating my bf...because well....why not?, and a teary little blob (where I am now) because of a reality I can't change and must accept for this relationship to work out.
He's tired of my mood swings and, frankly, so am I. I want them over and done with and make a damn decision. I am exhausted.
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I'd be exhausted too. 
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be No. 1 in your bf's (or husband's) life. If he made you feel as though you are already No. 1 in his life, this wouldn't even be an issue for you. If you really were No. 1 in his life, he would understand the stress you feel. Instead, he places more burden on you - to take care of his needs.
He's asking a LOT from you, regardless of how attached you become to his boy. It would become necessary to form some type of relationship with his ex - good or bad - a constant reminder you're No. 2., maybe just a "nanny" for the kid.
He ought to sit himself down and consider whether or not HE is worth all your extra time, worry, and expense. If not, teach him how to knit you a sweater - in two week's time.  If he complains - tell him to knit one for his kid.....and have it ready before you return from your vacation. 
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