My Support Forums - View Single Post

RoseBee · Jul 10, 2013, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KathyM

I'd be exhausted too.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be No. 1 in your bf's (or husband's) life. If he made you feel as though you are already No. 1 in his life, this wouldn't even be an issue for you. If you really were No. 1 in his life, he would understand the stress you feel. Instead, he places more burden on you - to take care of his needs.

He's asking a LOT from you, regardless of how attached you become to his boy. It would become necessary to form some type of relationship with his ex - good or bad - a constant reminder you're No. 2., maybe just a "nanny" for the kid.

He ought to sit himself down and consider whether or not HE is worth all your extra time, worry, and expense. If not, teach him how to knit you a sweater - in two week's time.

If he complains - tell him to knit one for his kid.....and have it ready before you return from your vacation.

ROFL! It's funny you mention knitting because I have already finished one sweater and one cardigan and am beginning another sweater..for him. I started it, then got upset at him and pulled it apart, then started it again..I felt like Penelope weaving her tapestry waiting for Odysseus to return!

You bring up the point of him making me feel like I am number one. There are a lot of ways he has, and after careful thought and consideration of your post, I am pretty sure my insecurities are the scary monsters hiding under the bed of my logic keeping it tightly under the covers. I have spent a considerable amount of time over the past month worrying about either: A) Valid concerns ie you didn't tell me have a kid upfront and let me think you were a dream come true...jerk. B) What if concerns ie What if the kid and I don't get a long so well this time and my bf takes the kids side? C) Jealousy concerns ie I do not want to share my bf and shouldn't have to. (This is the two year old me I keep talking about. She's cute, but...oh...the temper on that one.) D) Insecurity concerns ie Did he love the kids mom more than he loves me?

Right now, I am in a very logical "mood swing", if you will. I am framing the ongoing dialogue in my head with this: I love this man and have chosen this for myself. I could have done things differently, but didn't, and therefore I have to accept this reality. Any thought, that takes away from this topic, is currently being categorized and placed into one of the four categories above. A's are being considered thoughtfully. B's are put in the rubbish bin because what if they NEVER HAPPEN. C's are being put in time out because they are naughty and primarily driven by the D's which are being dealt with logically like: It's in the past and you KNOW each love is different. You've had three great loves of your life and each one felt different and more intense than the last.

Right now, after reading all of the posts and posting replies that make me think of my situation from different points of view, I am in a good place. Now I just need to maintain this place. I think the strategy I am employing now is MUCH MORE HEALTHY than cycling through emotions and being insecure. I actually FEEL HAPPY for the first time in two weeks.