I don't know-if you find out, please share!

I DO know in order for a relationship to be healthy and balanced the people in them have to be healthy and balanced, able to communicate clearly, see other people's point of view, and accept responsibility for their actions. If those things are missing, the dysfunction will flourish. From your description, that's what's going on here. I would just drop the issue and start to heal from your hurt. Your H will figure it out eventually if he hasn't done anything after you expressed concern to him.