hamster-bamster, I think that you are correct in your assessment. I would also call it passive-aggressive.

HurtAngry, I have some experience with these types of behaviors. You mentioned that you wanted your husband's validation? What does that mean? You have to be very specific about what you expect otherwise you will get the validation with no action to handle things differently in the future. Have you thought that maybe that's why you haven't been able to properly heal from all of the pain? Maybe he just tells you what you want to hear with nothing to back it up. Maybe you "know" that if and when something like this happens again, you won't feel that he has your back?