I've been taking Zyprexa for about a year now. I was originally put on it to stabilize from what my pdoc said was a bipolar mixed state. I don't think that was actually it. I think I was really in a benzo freakout after having a nervous breakdown after ambien withdrawal and days of not sleeping. Then came the ativan and then I turned into a complete and utter mess. Anyway, zyprexa stabilized me, but definitely not nearly who I was. Besides the million side effects, I really can't think like I used to and have little to no emotion, save my anxiety which is somewhat blunted. So... I'd like to get off it, but I'm afraid I'm stuck on it for life. I'm down from 10mg of zyprexa to 2.5 and the cognitive effects are somewhat better, but definitely still there. So, my pdoc suggested we titrate up on lamictal over a month and then discontinue the zyprexa. However, I've read a lot of forum posts about lamictal having terrible cognitive effects. Now I am terrified. I don't know if I should live with the devil that I know.

I'm a programmer by trade and I'm trying desperately to concentrate through the fog that is my mind now. I am in a new job and am terrified of failing. There is no backup plan.

In my mind originally I'd imagined I'd get on the lamictal, off the zyprexa, get rid of the thousand terrible side-effects of the antipsychotic and get back to myself with the goal of eventually getting off the lamictal as well. Now I am imagining starting the lamictal, combined with the zyprexa and turning into an even bigger mess than I am now. If this happens I am screwed.

Please help.