Is it normal to think maybe, I asked for it? Is it normal to say at the time I liked it?

I mean at least somone was showing me love, affection, attention. I so desperately craved. I know I was only a little kid. It didn't bother me then, at least thats what I remember. That it didn't bother me and I liked it. I didn't like what they made me do with my brother. But, if I did that, it made them happy. And why would I tell myself for so many years that I am ok with what happened and its the past it is behind me. When deep down inside i feel like it affects every part of my being. But, I still pretend its ok.

I don't deserve everything I have. I just don't deserve it.