bub: I think that once I am comfortable with knowing how much I weigh, Ana will no longer have any control over me. Right now I feel as if she is still controling my weight by me not knowing what it is. If I can confront the number, and know it is just that, then will I have really beaten Ana.

I saw my dietician today, and we ran out of time before we could talk about me finding out how much I weigh. I have graduated from every 2 week visits to monthly visits and she asked me the all important question of "Do you think you have an eating disorder still?" My answer was yes, because I still have the thoughts eventhough I am fighting them. I want to be able to say no I no longer have an ED, but at the same time I am scared to not have Ana as part of my life. Does that make sense to anyone?