Have you seen a professional about your illness? If you have and you haven't been in touch with them then probably you need to contact them. You may need a change in your medication and some therapy. It can be very challenging to try to manage these kinds of crises alone. Things are too complicated and needs someone trained to sort things out. You don't have to suffer like this. There are good medicines and treatments you can try. Let this be at the top of your TO DO list and get some help.
Look up the forums for bipolar disease on this site also. There will be folks who really understand what you are going through.
I'm so glad you found us. We are here to help. Post as much as you like. We will be interested to hear how you are getting on.