Hello and greetings fellow hippy----we never die do we? I don't know why that episode in our lives remains so potent but I've rarely found anyone who experienced it to have completely eradicated it.
As Rohag said-- your early hell will have probably set you up for depression. I myself have been depressed off and on my whole life. My mom was depressed-- my dad was depressed. I truly think I was hard wired for this. So I take medicine-----joyfully and gratefully. They give me a chance for a life. If you are genetically tuned to this than you just have to treat it as you would any other disease. See a doctor and get treatment. For me it works and is wonderful. You don't have to always feel so bad.
Post here as often as you wish and we will be here to listen.
I hope you feel better soon.