Thanks so much for you advice!

I get what you're both saying. Instead of avoiding the problem I should focus on it and really deal with it and still have fun. The problem with that is that I have tried that already. I spent a large portion of last year in the doldrums... and the first month after blocking him in my flat catatonic. I even walked accross northern Spain by myself for a month (pilgrimage), to shake him.

I don't want to be whiny. To be honest posting about this is creating rather a lot of internal conflict and feelings of shame.

But it's one of the visceral relationships where I lose myself in that person and let myself get treated like a fashion accessory and a plaything. One of those relationships which I gravitate back to and my friends sigh and despair at my incapacity to move on and how I become this passive mush of a human.

The main issue currently regarding him are the intrusive images. Vivid. Very vivid. It's like my mind is torturing me. All this for a type of guy who if any of my friends were with I would slap some reality into them....

I'm sorry, I think I just needed to vent. I forgot to mention that we were together for three years and, after moving accross Europe to be with him, he basically made me accept a level of control in my life (regarding body, social life, fidelity etc...) which he in no way applied to himself (as I discovered over the space of four months where body and mind fell apart... a year ago).

Thanks for your help... :S