Hi, Jlove...

It's horrible when the disease has control like you describe. It makes everything we do or don't do seem so strange, like there is no way out...it's just awful.

You don't mention in your post what you do to try and maintain a "normal" life. Do you see a doctor? Are you on a program of medication to try and ease your symptoms? Do you see a therapist? Do you exercise and eat nutritiously? Do you maintain a regular sleep schedule? Do you have any sort of support group outside your boyfriend? All of these things can help you feel better.

I know it's hard to take all these steps at once....I would suggest that you find your local NAMI or DBSA chapters ( www.nami.org and www.DBSAlliance.org ). They can help you find the resources in your community.

If you do have a pdoc (psychiatrist), please call. You don't have to feel this way.

Wishing for the best for you,
DJ