I am so sorry you guys are feeling these feelings. I have been there and it's very hard.
Although, you should tell your T about your suicide thoughts, I totally understand why you don't want to. That is a very personal thing.
I wish you all much luck and sending lot's of hugs.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HallieBeth, Hopeful, Sarah))))))))))))))

Linda