I never expected to find this thread coming back around! It seems like so long ago that I had that talk with her. It does come up from time to time, but its not really a big deal anymore.

I guess what I am embarrassed about right now is that I am STILL seeing her after 3 years. I am ashamed that I need her like I do. I don't want her to know how much she is a part of my life. I think about her a lot! Too much. Most of the time, its when I am at home and feel alone. She ALWAYS comes to mind. Like a broken record that plays over and over and over again. Even when I don't want to think about her, I do.

I would like to ask her why I do that. Why do I think about her so much? Why do I have to look at her pic everyday? Why do I still struggle with erotic transference at times? Why do I think about her sexually? Why do I have a strong need to drive by her house? Why do I want to see pictures of her family?

Those are embarrassing things to talk with her about, but I would like to know why I am doing this. It happens everyday. Even when I try my best to put her out of my mind, she is still there. Sometimes I scream (not out loud), "Get out of my head! Leave me alone!" (speaking to my therapist)