i have had some plastic surgeries in my life because i am not attractive (flat face, low chin). i stopped only because the last surgery didnt go so well and im still dealing with some issues from that, and i was afraid of a future surgery causing some issues, but otherwise i would have continued with more surgeries.

i know that it was my "choice" to have the surgeries, but i often feel angry at my parents, that i even had to go through them. my parents gave my low self-esteem. my dad, told me that i was not beautiful. (we had a conversation about what i would do with my life.. and he said something like.. its not like youre beautiful, so you have to work hard at other things to survive in the world.) and my dad would tell me things like, its the inner beauty that matters (implying that im not beautiful on the outside).
my mother didnt tell me straight out that i was ugly, but i knew that she thought the same thing, she never told me that i was beautiful or anything. she said that people are born the way they are and you cant change the way that you look, unless you go through surgery (which to me kind of implied that there was something about me that i even should change).
also my mother (who i think is pretty) married my dad who is very unattractive, and they werent even in love.

so my whole live ive just been very insecure about the way that i looked. and i am actually unattractive, like i have some features that are not considered attractive, like a wide face, flat face, very short chin, things that cannot be changed by makeup, clothes, hairstyles. some things cant even be changed by surgery. even after the surgeries that i have had, i dont think that there is that much difference.


i wish that i had parents, that said the right things to me when i was little that i did not go through with the plastic surgeries. because they are some of the things that i regret most. the last one i had a complication and i am still dealing with some issues from that.

i know i got the surgery when i was old enough to decide it myself, but still i cant help but to blame my parents for bringing me up in the way that they did that ultimately led me to get the surgery done. if i had different parents, maybe even with my same ugly face that i would not have done the surgery.