I went to see the doctor today to be re-referred back to my therapist and he has made me feel really bad. (Here in the UK on the NHS you only get 12-20 therapy sessions and then if you wish to continue you have to be re-referred by your doctor, wait several months and then perhaps you'll see a therapist. It's all to do with rationing the service).

To start with he was really hostile about the idea of re-referring me, suggesting that 20 sessions should have been enough and then proceeded to lecture me on how OCD works (as if I didn't know). He has made me feel as if I should be better by now, and told me that now I know how CBT works I should just practice, practice, practice the techniques I have learned until my OCD is gone.

The therapy I have had has been really good, and has helped me so much. Me and my husband have seen real improvements in my condition as a result of it, but there are still areas which cause me huge problems and OCD still has a lot of control over my life. I do practice the techniques I have learned and they are helping me to sustain the improvements I have made and even to make further improvements. But some areas of my OCD are so difficult that the techniques I have learned so far don't help and in some cases I don't yet know how to deal with them. Which is why both my therapist and I agree that some more therapy would prove useful.

I have real self-blame issues and a tendancy to beat myself up if I don't do things properly. This doctor has made me feel that by my wanting and needing some more therapy I have totally failed to do my best to get better. I feel utterly low.

And additionally I discovered this morning that I have been bitten by a tick! The doctor removed it but didn't give me any additional treatment, but just told me to watch out for the symptoms of Lymne Disease which might develop over the next couple of weeks, which as you can imagine has sent my OCD into overdrive.