Thank you all so much for answering. it is very relieving to know im not alone in hating kissing and that i can do something about it/find other ways to show affection.

yes, i've found out that waiting until i'll WANT to kiss him should make it better. i told him i dont like kissing and he is respecting me and it takes away a lot of pressure. even though he said he LOVES kissing and could spend HOURS doing just that!!!!! ewwwww

i could allow him a quick kiss on the lips as sign of affection when we were parting and it hasnt been as disgusting as it had been previously. maybe i need to take it slower and get to know him better/get used at his physical presence, feeling safe and that he wants ME, not only my body before i feel more comfortable with proper kissing. saying what i like/dont like (i can choose whether allowing it or not) is making me feel better too.

Spockette: yes, im in therapy. i've always been shy, introverted and a loner but i think my issues are made worse because of going through CSA. i thought i was over it, but its easy not to display any problems while isolating myself. i've just started to socialize more, having my first bf after 8 years and my issues are unexpectedly popping out and im not sure how to deal with them.