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Thank you all for answering.
with family and friends its easier because with family, i can hide away in my bedroom/leave home whenever i want and with friends, i can see them not so often/only when i feel like it. i was more worried about having this problem with my bf.
I dont mind being alone, i like it, but at the same time (rationally) i want to have a bf and build a family and be able to enjoy it.
with my new bf, i have found out that i hate chitchat but can enjoy deep talk (deep feelings/thoughts). chitchat bores me, annoys me and stresses me more and makes me feel like running home. of course we cant talk deep all the time, but knowing he is able to talk deep is helping me. i also like the "paralel play" idea, even if sometimes the pure presence of other people annoys me anyway. im discovering that i can enjoy my bfs caresses while we stay silent. i still dont feel like staying with him for too long but i told him so and its making me feel more comfortable and relaxed and willing to find new ways to help myself enjoying his company for longer periods of time. also, knowing i can tell him when im tired/need to go home and do not need to pretend with him and "suffer" in silence is making it easier.
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