Hi all,

I'm Russell - I was first labelled Bipolar last year but a few weeks ago I was diagnosed Schizoaffective after the 'episode' I'm currently in.

I'm really struggling to accept what I've been told. Some days I am aware that something isn't right, whilst some days I completely dismiss any medical advice and put it all down to Spiritual experiences.

I'm on an anti-depressant (Sertraline 50mg) and an anti-psychotic (Resperidone 6mg).I was on Olanzapine but the 'voices' told me to stop taking it and when the CMHT caught wind of it was a bit chaotic but I didn't see what the fuss was all about.

I seem to be in a bit of a depressive phase with the inner voices, delusions and paranoia every so often.

I feel so confused about life and I feel that it's a struggle. I also feel that we have no true freedom and that we are subliminally controlled by the governments.

I'm also taunted occasionally by the inner voices and I'm only sleeping around 5 hours at night at the moment.

I'm not working, I'm on Disability Living Allowance (I live in the UK).

I just feel so torn between whether I'm actually ill or whether this is all real and it's a Spiritual thing and I'm receiving messages from the Spirit world.

A few days ago I felt so confused, aggitated and trapped that I thought about how I would take my own life to make this all stop.

The next day I was ok, and I had a fairly good day after but I'm up and down.

Just looking for some supportive members to chat to.

Regards.