You've gotten a lot of good feedback here already. It seems that your body is trying to communicate with you and T. It's ok to have the fantasies, but it's within your power to control your behavior. You say you know that you can call, email, etc. but can't bring yourself to do it. It'd be worthwhile to try to understand why you feel you can't do it. What emotions come up for you when you contemplate talking to T about this and not going through with it?

Also, the key here, I believe, is that you need to do it IN SPITE of how you're feeling. Doing what's uncomfortable has the potential to lead to a lot of growth.