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If he wants you to "be a man," he's got to stop treating you like a child. You don't live for him. If he wants you "out of his hair," he's got to allow you the space to find your own footing. If he wants you to fail, don't let him win.
He needs to give up trying to teach you how to obey his orders. You are past that phase and have much bigger and more important burdens to deal with in your life. If he's not interested in helping you, he needs to back off. If he's interested in helping you, he still needs to back off - but he can take that time to learn how to effectively communicate with the people living under his roof - in particular, you.
My husband and son used to "lock horns" on occasion. Even I had some "spatial problems" with my son when he returned from the war. I think it's a natural part of life. But if you're going to live together under one roof, you've got to get along. Life is hard enough "out there."
My son now lives nearby, and I see a huge difference. He does not depend on us, and we don't depend on him. He knows the burdens we carry, and he worries about us. We know the burdens he carries, and we worry about him.
I'm sorry you have to deal with such a difficult person. You shouldn't have to walk on and clean up his eggshells - you've got enough of your own. I can imagine your mom must be exhausted as well.
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