Thank you everyone for your responses. After thinking about it more I feel like something has made me angry at her. As to what exactly that is, well it might have to do with what CheshireCatGrin was saying about control. When I think about it, I have never been so good with people who have power/ control over me. It makes me very uneasy. I feel the desire right now to have some control over her. (wow i sound ridiculous!!!) Regardless, I don't feel like I can communicate it through words without screaming at her and acting out in some dramatic fashion. How do I get my T to see me at my absolute worst without doing anything dangerous? Last time I checked, doing dangerous things is exactly what ended me up in therapy in the first place. She told me a couple months ago that she was waiting for me to have "a very bad session" as if she expected it. Maybe that is what got me into this mindset.

Another thing that gets me upset is that she tells me she has never felt what I feel, but she understands it. She then goes on to say that I need to connect with people who went through what I am going through. Well that made me really mad. I don't want anything to do with what I'm going through so why the hell would I connect with people who have felt the same?

This all comes together to make the point that I cannot seem to get her to understand. As if the only way that she will learn is through my stupid actions. And I know you may be thinking "Why is Pato sticking with this T???" Well I've been to other T's in the past and none of them came close to this one in terms of desire to help me. Maybe if somehow I can get her to understand without SI, I could get past this. But words aren't working.


I don't want to do that to her, but it seems to happen to everyone in my life. I've lost all of my friends because I get upset and start yelling at them, knowing exactly how to hurt them in the worst ways through words. I am just afraid that I will accidentally do it to her since I have some anger built up