Hi everyone, haven't posted on here in a while. i have been feeling down lately, due to my current job coming to an end and not knowing what to do next. last night i went out for drinks with co-workers and one of them mentioned something about my co-worker (who is in the same boat as me job-wise, ie not being a permanent employee, only there for a ten month stint) and being hired full time. this may or may not be true, and i have heard the same things said about myself, in term of being hired permanently. but it really got to me, bc i HATE this guy and always feel i am in competition with him. i got home and drank some more with my roomate. afterwards i took 20 sleeping pills and went to bed. the sleeping pills i have prescribed are incredibly incredibly weak, so I honestly did not expect anything to happen. i don't know what i expected to happen, honestly, but i didn't expect to die, so it wasn't like i was trying to kill myself. this morning i woke up all groggy, etc. and told my boss i would be working from home b/c i couldn't make it to work, i was groggy and uncoordinated. i also emailed my t and told her what happened.

she called me in less than 5 minutes (and forgot to block her number, usually when she calls her number is blocked.) i feel bad for scaring her, i feel so melodramatic and silly. it wasn't like what happened warranted me taking a bunch of pills. i feel like a drama queen and attention ***** trying to get her attention. she made me promise to go to to the ER if i feel sui, i told her what i didn't wasn't a big deal and i felt stupid, she said it was a suicide attempt. she told me to email her at the end of each day and we are going to find a p-doc. part of me wants her so bad, i didn't want to do hang up the phone with her. i wanted to keep talking to her and hearing her voice. the other part of me feels so melodramatic and silly for doing this. (but i still feel depressed i am not making that up, but i don't know how bad is bad enough.) idk what i'm asking just need to get it out.