That's very perceptive, milly. I do write with alot of hurt and aggression, because that is pretty much what is left in me . I guess that is what my personality has morphed into after years and years of self-abuse. And during that time period, I did exactly what you are doing now - contemplate the euphoric feelings of cutting rather than focusing on the reality of what it was truly doing, and did, to my body, my mind, and my soul.

Not one person had the guts enough to tell me straight out to stop; to tell me that cutting, gashing and burning could, would, and did, lead to dangerous infections and ungodly scars that will never, ever go away; that I would forever have to hide my body and explain over and over to those who caught sight of those scars, the reasons why they were there; to try and stand bare in front of my partner and actually feel desirable; or worse still, what my body, mind and soul would ACTUALLY look, think and feel like in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, if I stayed on this path.

Picture the number of scars you now have. Now, place them ALL OVER your body. Imagine alot of those cuts with huge welts from the stitches and the infections that will always remain raised above your natural skin - always reminding you - not of the momentary euphoria you felt when you made them, but of the shame and humiliation of the AFTER EFFECTS - you know, the REAL consequences you experience.

Did I have much hurt when I read your post. Yes! Was I aggressive? Way too much so. To sit here and know that YOU could possibly end up looking like I do now is somewhat hard to bear. Somewhat?! I should say EXTREMELY hard to bear...

I know you are hurting. I know you don't want to listen and I know you want to run. But don't just yet, because I would like to ask you to try to look past my emotions and read the words and try to hear what I am saying.

My words may be harsh, but so is the reality of slashing and burning. And it is only the reality of what you are doing, is what I am interested in you seeing, especially if I can get you to project what you may end up being like in the future, and get you to stop now.

I suppose I should have just blown past your post and ignored you. I guess the best course of action would be to do so in the future. Silly of me to think that what I have done to myself and the horrible consequences I must live with for the rest of my life - no matter how they are expressed - could possibly help you in any way.

But having someone just blow past your post is not what you really want, either, is it? I wouldn't want that, even if what is being said is harsh at times. As long as it wasn't BS that was being fed to me, then I can handle a critical analysis of what I have said in a post...SO CAN YOU (and you've already proven that)! And yes, it does sting, but not nearly as much, or as long as a self-inflicted cut does. Trust me on that one.