Russell, at first illness labels bothered me but now I believe they are just that--labels--they don't define who I am. The doctors, insurance and social services people need some sort of label so they have an idea how to evaluate me--it's just a starting point for them.

Life is chaotic for you right now but hurting yourself is not the answer! Keep that thought in perspective--don't do something rash. I also have those thoughts sometimes but I have realized they are not mine--they are part of my illness. It's the illness talking to me--just like the other inner voices I hear.

I think my illness is partially spiritual. There is a balance of physical, spiritual and mental aspects that need to be dealt with...this is an all encompassing illness.

I also suffer from paranoia. For me it manifests itself by making me scared to leave my hose and afraid people are trying to get me. I can hear them in other rooms, my hallway and in my room. They look at me thru my window which I know is impossible because I'm on the 2nd floor and I have curtains.

I have severe ups and downs and it does seem to correlate with my sleep. Little amounts of sleep makes me sicker. I do better when I get a full nights amount of sleep.

You said you would like some support. It's a good and healthy sign that you are reaching out. There are many people here on PC that help me. It's a safe place to talk about what we are going thru.

Again, please don't hurt yourself. Get help from a therapist, pdoc, social worker or if it gets bad, go to the hospital. This illness is not worth losing your life over......take care of yourself...D.