Yesterday my cousin got me to get out of the house and do some errands with her. I only went because her puppy came too and he made me feel more safe. Today I was thinking back to it and got a little moody and so was in a fight with my mom and sister because I hid the adderall from them. It's not like I wanted it for myself, it's prescribed to my sister but my mom started taking it too and I know that my sister shares it with her but it scares me when they take it and I just didn't want them to have it. But they were bothing yelling at me and my mom my go to jail and my sister is never here anymore so I'm alone all the time. It feel like there's noone there for me at all, well really there isn't. There's noone I can talk to that would understand. There's nothing I can do. I wanted to call the suicide hotline because I was thinking about taking the whole bottle and than slitting my wrist. I did cut a little actually and to 3 of them; mostly because I thought I'd be less depressed maybe like the other time I took it but I think it made it worse. The last time I called that number I waited 30 minutes and than gave up because they had rejected me just like the rest of the world. And I came here because I don't want to bother my extended family or any of the people that I'm very light 'acquaintances' with. If I did it would bother them and maybe bring down their mood. Plus what are they going to do to help me? It's not so much wishing for my death as wishing that I never existed. Now I'm feeling ****** for bothering whoever actually read this, I'm sorry.