Why does it always have to feel like everyday is a battle? A fight to wake up in the morning and get myself out of bed. It gets harder and harder to keep on a mask of happiness on my face. Yet easier and easier to pull away from the ones who care the most about me.

I feel like everybody expects me to be better. That pills just work over night, and everythings better. Idk though its probably my fault for letting them think that. I haven't really been open with anybody lately.

Its just like today i couldn't pretend everything was ok. I was bitter, bluntly honest and rude. I'm never like that. Yet today it was like i couldn't shut myself up. I don't wanna hide this anymore. Its to hard to do. I'm tired of lying to friends when they ask how i am. I'm just...... tired.

I'm not as low as i was before but i'm not as high either. I don't want to shut people out. But it almost seems easier to. Its like facing them means facing myself.