hankster - it's something I want. I recently quit university and thought I'd have a very hard time finding a job and this is a very wellpaying job doing something I will love and it's much needed in a lot of ways. T agrees on this. Really the only downside is having to postphone therapy.

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T mailed back to my request, and she said we can keep some e-mail contact but it can't be like real therapy because she thinks that's too risky. That we'd need to be able to meet face to face if things got tough. The last 2 sessions were quite intense and only the beginning of a long journey working through past trauma. So I understand her reasoning and I wouldn't wanna work on those things when not in her office. The e-mailing thing sounds too 'loose' though. So I don't know.

I feel like I just let the genie out of the bottle and all these memories/feelings are showing up slowly. I think maybe I should push it back in for a year. Take my peace in knowing the stuff I struggle with has a name, a cause and someday a solution. Someday not being this year. This job is the best thing for me in SO MANY ways. I need this, I need to move out of my parents house. I need to save money. I need to do a job I know I'm good at. But leaving T is really a stupid downside.

Oh well, so much for the pity party. I'm gonna toughen up and look at the bright sides. This is my choice, this is what I want. I just really don't know what's gonna happen with the things that got stirred in these past 3 months of therapy.

Thanks for listening folks. Any tips and stories, still very much welcome.