Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveMaybe
Hi-
I've been fighting with myself for a couple of months and to say the least it hasn't help my marriage one last bit. We have been friends for over 4 years. Last year we decided to get married for x-amount of reasons, but ever since I don't know if we made the right decision. (Keep in mind he is 24 and I'm 25) For about 2 months I cant help but think over and over I'm not with the person I'm suppose to be with. For about 3-4 months our sex life has become almost non-existent. Our 1 year anniversary was 2 weeks ago and we went away for the weekend he was expecting us to be in the hotel all weekend. Lately its almost as if I'm feeling I was hurried into this marriage. Don't get me wrong he is the most amazing guy and would do anything to make me happy lately I've been ignoring him and basically acting as if he was more like a live in roommate then my husband. I don't know what to do. I know he deserves better then me and I'm not being fair to him or me. I've even given couples therapy a thought, don't know if it would help but I'm willing to give us a try since he is a great guy and after all I do love him, Just don't know if he is being giving the love and attention he deserves.
Please someone help with at least steering me into the right direction. I don't want either of us to have a sour taste of marriage, we know the first year is the hardest but it shouldn't be like this.
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When you feel that you were hurried into the marriage, it most likely reflects the fact that you indeed went too fast. So now you need to be honest with yourself. Being honest with yourself means dropping all the language of fairness and who deserves what, once and for all, and just facing the situation with all the ambivalence that it entails. To the extent that you are feeling that your marriage SHOULD have a certain taste - sour, sweet, or whatever - you are not living your life yet. You are playing a game of life. A big difference.
You are asking to be steered in the right direction. The only people able to determine the right direction are the two of you. To be able to determine what feels right, you need to be honest with yourself (being honest with yourself is hugely helpful, even if you are not being honest with your partner fully; the first step towards honesty is honesty with self).