Hello I hope you are doing well at this time. Maybe at the age that everything happened, you were not really aware of the dangers of what was happening to you, mentally and physically. Now that you are older ,you are analyzing why you felt no remourse at that time, at that young of an age. You are I feel ,trying to feel that you liked what was going on to end the situaiton,. In other words you are trying to make a closure to the situation. I feel that you were too young to really realize what was going on, and not that you liked the situation you just were too young to know what was happening at that time. There is a difference. I hope you do find closure for your situation, and you dont try to spend too much time analyzing the situation, if you do not need to at this time. Take care sincerely Soidhonia