I was in denial for a very long time. At first I thought I was on a "spiritual journey" and can decode the mysteries of the universe. And I was having precognitive dreams even on the medication. But that "spiritual journey" was driving me more crazy that I joined this forum. Now I accept that I wasn't on a spiritual journey, but that everything was symptomatic of my illness. I don't want to be on a spiritual journey because it just feeds the paranoia and delusions. So now I tell myself it isn't spiritual, it's brain chemistry. It's symptomatic of my illness. I'm not an oracle. I'm just sick and need to get better.