Hi everyone, I'm new here and new to world of ed. I guess I don't really know what is going on with me. I know I have a problem, but I don't know what it is. It all started just this summer from what I can figure out. I came home from my junior year of college where I had been just eating normally including plenty of junk food and late night snacks. I remember being excited to return to healthier eating habits at home. I was proud of eating more veggies and such, but I slowly changed. I began to get full from eating less food than normal. This is something that I became almost proud of. I remember making comments every night after dinner like, "I just don't eat very much any more, and I get full so quick." I began putting smaller and smaller portions on my plate at meals.

Then one day I skipped breakfast and lunch and just ate a snack to get through work that afternoon. That night I ate a small dinner, about half of what I consider normal. Something bad happened in my head that day. I realized that skipping meals is something I can handle. This is something that never ever crossed my mind before that day. That was the day before the 4th of July, and I have been restricting ever since. I have lost weight in just the last 10 days, and that scares me. I have also began weighing myself every morning. I do this in secret because I don't want my parents to notice.

I'm very confused as to why I am doing this to myself. I don't see myself as overweight (I'm normal for my height, I know I can't post numbers). I'm actually pretty confident with the way my body looks. However, I have a very large fear of gaining weight in the future because my mom is very overweight. I see her struggling with self esteem, and don't want to end up like her. Also, I don't know if this would have anything to do with anything, but I struggled with Selective Mutism from the time I was in preschool all the way until I was almost 14. I have pretty much completely conquered that (I'm now 21), but it was a major part of my life, so I thought I would mention it.

I know what I am doing is horrible for my health, and some days I can reason with myself to eat more. But other days, a different voice inside my head takes over. It's like I know what I am doing is bad, I just don't care. I guess what I am trying to get at is the question we probably all have about ourselves in the beginning. Does this sound like an ed? If it does, what should I do? Thanks so much to anyone who reads all of this, I know it's long, I'm just very confused and scared!