Hi all. Thank you in advance for reading this.
I'm writing this post out of sheer desperation, I won't lie.
I've struggled with depression probably all of my life, looking back now. But I'm 28 and I just can't cope anymore. It's done farrr too much damage and I'm turning into something I never imagined or wanted to be. I'm sure we've all felt that way. Anyway, the biggest thing I wanted to talk about is my ability to function. I've struggled with that for a very long time, but its just ridiculous now. I'm on day 9 without showering...sure I've washed up in between then...but I look at the shower everyday and it feels as if its the hardest thing in the world to do. I won't even eat unless I can basically just open it and eat it, even the microwave looks daunting in the amount of energy it would require. And I love to cook...when I'm not tired or down...which is almost never now. All of this sounds insane, even to me. How did I get to this place and how in the heck am I going to get out. I have no idea. I was on Zoloft for 3 years and it did nothing. I was on Welbutrin mixed with two mood stabilizers and an anti anxiety medicine, for over a year. Still nothing. I'm just taking St John's Wort right now...which obviously isn't helping as well. If I had insurance and wasn't so bad off financially I would run to the doctors right now but its not an option. The last time I was at the state run mental health clinic, I was told there wasn't anything else they could give me that would be any different than the Welbutrin, Lithium etc. What do I do ? My life is wasting away. I'm wasting away. Every relationship I have is suffering majorly. My dream is to wake up feeling rested and energized, curl my hair and put on lipstick(oh yea shower too :-) Walk outside feeling the sun on my face and looking forward to my day at a decent job. Have friends and go out, actually answer the phone if someone calls me. Etc. You get the point....to live my life even just as a normal humble person...it feels like heaven.