Stringcheese, before I write my post I want to say that you do matter. It makes me sad to think that you're feeling like this. I hope you don't go through with your plan. I want to make it very clear that I'm not attacking you, and I don't want to cause you any further pain. Please read the rest of my post with these things in mind.

Actually, that's not clear at all.

I think Ts are often doomed to get it wrong. The perfect response for one client may be woefully inadequate for another. Even if you think it's obvious what the 'right' answer should be, this may actually be hugely subjective.

I also think it would be a good idea to check in with your T about exactly what s/he said and how s/he said it. I know I sometimes mishear my T's words, tone of voice, etc. I'm not saying I don't believe you, it's just that all kinds of crazy things can happen in the therapy room. I've experienced my T shouting at me, and my ears hurting, when he wasn't actually shouting, for example.

Why not? Saying: "It's not okay, you're not allowed to do this," simply shames the client for having those feelings in the first place and potentially discourages them from bringing those feelings to their T. Forbidding the behaviour won't get rid of the feelings.

The first time I told my T about feeling suicidal, I said: "Don't worry, I'm not actually going to do it." And he said: "But it wouldn't be unreasonable if you did." Now, some people would see that as irresponsible. And, as your reaction to your T shows, some clients might feel aggrieved by that response, and want to hear something else instead.

But my reaction was one of relief. After a lifetime of having my feelings ignored, minimised or ridiculed, someone finally understood. We've discussed it a few times since. He says suicide wouldn't be unreasonable, and it's understandable that I feel like that, but nothing I've told him is insurmountable and he hopes he'll get the chance to show me that.

I think your T was trying to validate your feelings. I very much doubt s/he meant to encourage you to act on them, or that s/he doesn't care. And you have to remember that Ts are not mind readers. If you desperately need to hear them tell you something in particular, maybe you need to let them know. Tell your T: "I'm scared I don't matter to you."

I hope you can work through this. Do come back and tell us how it goes if you would like to.