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I have not survived the abuse, it effects everything I do.

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You hit the nail on the head with that comment. As odd as this may sound, I sometimes do forget. Only to "wake up" and find myself in another horrible mess. So I "shut down" for years only to realize that I am letting life pass me by.

A tenant sicked their dog on me and I panicked and tried to jump a fence, only to land with all my weight on one leg. I didn't realize until I made it back inside the house the damage to my knee. Leg, at the knee wasn't connected right because everytime I put weight on my foot my knee would give out.. I did not go to the doctor.. I was bed ridden for a few weeks and my sister gave me her old crutches to use. I used them for a few months. Goes to show how "sick" ones thinking can be at times. I decided since I tend to not "watch out for me" and forget how people can be, that I needed to be reminded by the pain in my leg. I know.. dumb thinking.. I still have problems with my knee and it is a good reminder.. But only a reminder when my knee hurts. Doesn't make sense .. does it...

I just get tired "dealing" with things. Takes up soo much energy...What takes most people minimum energy, it takes my all to do.. Even going to a stupid store takes planning and escape routes and mega energy.. I wish instead of "me" having these issues, that the abusers would be panic stricken going into a store or mall... grrrrrrrrr And boy do I wish their sex life was screwed up like mine.. And they would feel dirty, ashamed and worthless.. Just to name a few things or after-effects. Sometimes I just want to run down main street and screammmmmmmmmmmm and what a sight that would be..