I don't know if I can answer to any kind of a satisfactory conclusion, I'll try though.

Since my reality basically got messed up I guess I'm trying to find out what is the real reality, how do I know that *this* is real ? The messed up reality seemed just as real as this one. The dream world merged with reality and normally in dreams there is no sense of time or continuity but this alternate reality did, albeit a scarier reality at the time.

Nowadays if I saw demons/creatures again I wouldn't be scared, I would chase them down and anywhere/anytime I think any other person would be spooked or freaked out I stay there and look for them, I believe the creatures are scared of me. After all these years I've found or seen nothing, I suppose I'm still looking for this alternate reality because that's how I last remember it when there wasn't 'something missing' with me.

That point you made when you said part of me is really missing something almost caused a tear in my eye, it's like suddenly someone else hit the nail squarely on the head about something I've been searching for all these years and never found an answer.

Something is missing and I have no idea what it is.. it feels like when you are trying to remember a word and it's on the tip of your tongue but you can't quite remember... taunting me... I do know there is definitely something, some part of me or my life that is missing.

I studied quantum physics for a number of years before finally going to university to study theoretical physics so maybe I can find out for myself and to my own satisfaction if this reality is real and what makes it real or even unravel this reality and wake me up from the coma. Almost like I have to understand the new reality I'm in to get back to the real one.

I need to find a kink in this reality, some flaw or something to prove either way if it's real or not. One of the problems though is that this reality more than likely is truly flawless, also like in the dream world, you will never find out whilst you are experiencing it because whatever happens you accept it as normal. The rules you've experienced that govern that reality seems to define normal.

Do I like the place (reality) I'm in right now ? I've thought about this quite a lot.
I seem to get alot of deja vu's and what seem like visions, but none of them ever happen. From that I can have some level of predictability knowing something that won't happen which is better than nothing at all. That in itself makes me feel some level of comfort despite the fact that some coincidence should happen but never seems to.

Also this reality would be better than one where I wake up from a coma and be a vegetable, unless the real time that was passing was tiny in comparison to what I've experienced.. this has happened to me before when I was a child.. a few occasions I had strange fits and the time that seemed to pass for me felt like a few weeks but only a quarter of an hour had really passed according to the people around me at the time.

I appologise, I seemed to have wrote more than I thought. I'm just trying to explain sufficiently but I can't go into the detail I would like otherwise I'd be writing for a long time which I suspect would just be too self-indulgent of me.

Anyway thankyou for responding and acknowledging there is something missing, it was very much appreciated.

Any questions just ask away, just be aware the length of the potential response that might follow..

EDIT: I'm sorry sarah, it took me quite a while to write this post and it must seem like I overlooked your response. I don't mean to come across like that. Thankyou both for welcoming me here, I really do appreciate it.

EDIT 2: I think the 'thing' is something to do with a mirror, I distinctly remember a feeling that everything and my mind was reversed by some strangeness with a mirror. I remember a bit more about staring into the blackness of my dilated pupils through a mirror whilst in the strange state of consciousness all those years ago and almost everything flipped around but something was lost. I believe the missing thing was what might have got lost in the reversal, I'm not totally sure but it makes sense to me.