I just got back from a 3 week vacation to Germany, Italy, Switzerland, and the Netherlands. It was both incredible and disastrous. I am a 16 year old female from the USA. I went alone with my bio sister(18) to visit my former exchange students that lived with us.

I was only ever a drinker on special occasions in the US, like holidays and vacations. And even then it was only a one time thing and in extreme moderation. But when I went to Europe, I figured a little alcohol wouldn't hurt. But a little quickly turned into a lot until I was pretty trashed some nights. I never really noticed the effects until like a week after I started. That was when I started having horrible suicidal mood swings, relapsed pulling my hair out, and was walking on eggshells emotionally. It was in Switzerland when I was at a party with my bio sister, host sister, and her boyfriend.

My bio sister told me I couldn't drink anymore and I got really mad and it turned into a huge verbal fight where she went on proceeding to tell everyone I was on medication. I was already impaired by the alcohol and its effects, so I ran up some mountain in the dark not too far from the party, sat on the side of the road, and cried.

About half an hour of being miserable later, I realized I had my medications with me. So I took a strong cocktail of about 50 of them, and laid down. At that time I didn't want to die, but at the same time I didn't really care if I did.

Minutes passed and it started getting scary. I was shaking very hard, my face was getting really hot and dizzy, and my heart was racing as I was having trouble breathing but I couldn't do anything but lay there and let it happen.

A while later, when I was slipping in and out of consciousness, my host sisters boyfriend found me and I was dragged to a small nearby hospital where they made me throw it up. Then they said they needed me to be transferred to a larger hospital ICU, so they took me and after they did a lot of testing and monitoring, they finally let me sleep in a normal room after maybe 2 AM.

Life moved on and I tried my best to get over it, but then my mom started sending me degrading messages on FB. Saying I just did it for attention and I should be ashamed of myself and what not. I felt like trash. All alone in a foreign country with so many people pissed at you, I really just wanted to escape it all. So I went to the upstairs bathroom and cut myself up. It soon became the worst night of my life.

Now everyone is even more pissed at me, and I feel so alone. Not suicidal anymore, but really upset and remorseful. I'm grounded and I don't know what I should do to cope... I feel like I'm seeking attention like my mom said if I talk to anyone and feel like I'm disappointing them which may be a lot of thinking errors but still... I was doing so well, too...