Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseBee
There is a difference between unplanned and mistake. Unplanned means that you planned to have kids in the future, but not now. Mistake means you didn't ever really mean to get pregnant, but you did. I was a mistake....the child of a rape. I was not unplanned. You were married and planned to have kids, presumably, but you got pregnant before you intended to. Your kids are not mistakes, just unplanned. When you make a mistake, like a car accident, you take care of what you need to, learn from it, and move on the best you can.
He treats me very well, actually. He takes care of me, loves me, and gives me what I need. The only thing "wrong" is that he has a kid and didn't tell me up front. True, I would have missed out on a great guy because of the kid, but such is the idea of the "deal breaker" when it comes to dating.
He doesn't like the idea of me leaving because I am the best girl he's ever had, according to him. None of his others have: A career, a car, a house, money in the savings account, financially responsible, or a retirement or investment account. They also have not been : Well read, well traveled, cultured, musically inclined, able to cook, share the same idea of clean, or speak more than one language. I treat him well and have the finances to do things for him. He is very afraid of losing me. I understand his insecurities because the kiddo has been here 24 hours and I am already to the point of needing to hole myself up in my bedroom and have a break.
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Oh how I wish that was the case. I was 17 when I was pregnant with my oldest, and on birth control. But in the 80s it was not common knowledge that antibiotics negated the effect of birth control. I'm not exactly sure how this happened because we were also using condoms, except perhaps that I've learned since then that the type of condoms (lamb skin) that we were using at that time have been found to be less effective. But our second child was conceived using a diaphragm, spermicide and latex condoms. Our twins were conceived after my husband had a vasectomy. So it seems that no matter what my plans were, the universe decided I was going to be a mother many times over.
The difference as I see it is that when I became pregnant, I also choose to be a mother with everything that came with it. I understand that his choices were limited. But what I do not understand is his current attitude. Also, and this is non of my business, but I believe it was mentioned that you may want children in your future. What makes you think that he would treat any child that you had jointly any better than the one he already has?
You're bf has hit two of my hot buttons. I apologize if my reaction as offended you.