Hello, I am bipolar and I suffer from depression and panic attacks. I am doing everything I can to take care of myself and keep my mental health in check, but what I can't get past is the feelings of being misunderstood and undervalued. People who were suppose to love me unconditionally have left me either physically or emotionally. Now, I have this amazing boyfriend who has supported me sick and well. He kept an eye on my kids while I spent a few days in a stabilization unit recently. Still, I can't help but think that eventually, he'll leave like everyone else. My mother who was also bipolar and a severe alcoholic left me. She always kicked me out of the house, and then when I was 15, she took a job that required her to travel for months at a time. I had no one. I took care of myself. Eventually she told me that she wished she had gone through with aborting me like she did with 3 other pregnancies. My brother left for job corps when he was 18 and never came back. I understood that, because my mother treated him horribly, but he was all the family I had. Why didn't he come back for me? And then I got married which was great, and I had children which I felt healed my heart in so many ways. I then searched for my father and spoke to him for the first time on my 33rd birthday. He immediately became a huge part of my life. I believed that my dad would always be there for me, and I never wanted to let go. But, my husband felt that my dad was taking his place and our marriage eventually ended. He chose to let me go rather than let me have my dad in my life. Now, I'm in an incredible relationship, and my dad has backed away. I know that it's because his wife hates me and wants him to have nothing to do with me. This is nothing new. He has 5 children but is only on good terms with the 2 that belong to her because that's the way she wants it. He fought to keep me in his life until he felt he couldn't fight anymore. So, he reduced our relationship to text messages even though he lives 5 minutes away. He told me that there was nothing more he could do for me, and now that I have my boyfriend, I shouldn't expect anything. All I really want is support. To me, it feels like abandonment, so I told him not to contact me anymore. So, now I don't talk to anyone. I don't let anyone in. I will not give another person a chance to break my heart. I don't want to be that way, but I don't know what else to do. Also, my kids are 15 and 18. I'm scared to death of being without them. I don't want to hold them back, but I cry when I even think about them moving far away from me. My ex husband use to say, "I can't be everything to you". I don't want my current boyfriend to feel that way, and he swears that he never will, but I'm so scared that eventually it will get to be too much for him. I hope that at least one person will share their thoughts. I really don't know what I'm suppose to do.