Hi Jennifer --

I grew up as the child of 2nd generation Polish-Slovak immigrants, and I have tried to understand the immigrant experience, because I think it really affects us. I realize that your culture is different from mine, but I think there are some commonalities.

Trying to fit into a new culture. Things such as keeping silent, that in US culture are called dysfunctional, seem to be the "polite" ways to be. I find some of the things that have been said to me very hurtful. As I've grown older, I've come to see that some of the behaviors just come from different pathways, and maybe it is not so good for me to want others to change to be my way. I might say my way is healthier (especially for me), but I also try to honor my elderly relatives, who will not be around so much longer.

I'm not sure if this makes any sense or applies to your situation. Perhaps it comes down to accepting and loving relatives, and trying to overlook their shortcomings as best I can.