I feel like I'll never measure up. Ever. I've decided to return to school to become a pharmacy technician. My mom and my friends say, "With all the chemistry courses you've taken, why don't you become a doctor?" The answer to that is simple: I have absolutely no interest in becoming a doctor; I don't have the required compassion and interest in people's well-being, and I don't want to be in school until I'm forty. I want to be a pharmacy technician because the subject fascinates me, and I have a lot of experience with medications, plus, I truly know how awful life can be when you are over- or under-medicated, or are simply taking a medication that isn't right for you. With my chemistry background, it seems like a good path, and I'll be out of school by April 2015. Not bad. However, I feel that my parents, one of whom has a Master's and one of whom has a Ph.D, think it's not good enough. I think they are comparing me to my younger sister - she is going to graduate school in the United Kingdom to study the evolution of the English language, and she's always done well in school, whereas I was always terrible at taking exams (even though I knew the actual material backwards and forwards). Same thing with standardized tests - she got close to a 1500 on hers, whereas I refuse to ever divulge my SAT scores. And she has a boyfriend. And she's pretty. And thin. I feel like my parents have always felt that she is smarter and superior, and I know that strangers feel that way. My sister is much more talkative than I am, and she's very well-spoken, whereas I tend to be more of a listener, and when I speak, I sound stupid and unsure of myself. Whenever people meet the two of us, I can tell simply from their tone, expression and general demeanor that they think she's brilliant and that I'm a waste. Maybe they're right. Maybe all the evidence I've tried to overlook these past few years is indicative that I'm substandard. It's a horrible feeling.