"let your grief run wild and your heart break and mend again"

This was, truly and honestly, hands down, the best advice I have been given in nearly a year. I've been told so many times that I am grieving too long. That I am "dragging" it out for pity.

I don't want pity. I want my brother back. And that's never going to happen.

I am so sorry for your losses. Losing a sibling is... indescribable. It's just nearly been a year and I already forget if he was alive for certain things or not. Sometimes I wake up thinking he is still here.

In my head, I like to see him like I did when I was 5 and he was 6. I like remembering that boy. He wasn't in pain then. My birthday is just going to be.. hard. I want to be alone with myself and my memories of him.