Background: I am married (17yrs) an 36. I met another married man on Craigslist three years ago. He and I have been having sex once a month off and on for these three years. We meet for sex, email ocxasionally, have occasional phone calls and have net for coffee only twice.

He is in the mental health field and is very good at his job. We had a blow up 1.5 years ago when he accused me of something I didn't do, and told me I was acting compulsively and had impulse control issues. This is because I kept emailing and emailin and emailing. Even when he asked me to stop. I took it to heart what he said and went to a therapist to talk about it. I didn't have a history of either and I explained it all to the therapist. She suggested that I was feeling the way I was because I had unresolved issues. And suggested I talk to him. He just refused to talk to me and said he dreaded seeing me. That hurt.

There was a situation involving him that I honestly happened upon that could have jeopardized his career and family life. I helped him with the situation. First I was mad at what the situation was, but then I realized being mad didn't help anyone, so I offered to help. We reconnected after that with no words spoken. Just some amazing sexual chemistry.

We recently had another falling out over the amount I email. He decided he wanted to take a break from sex, and that was fine, but I still considered him a friend. I thought we've grown close over the three years, we're very similar and I'd do anything I could for him, as I would a friend because I care about him. I don't want to marry him, or go on a date with him, or take time from his family, etc. I have my own happy family. He has been with other women during this time and I am very okay with that. He told me about his friend that he had sex with out of town and I was jealous. I was jealous for stupid reasons - not the sex, but that he's friends with her on Facebook and shares that part of his life with her, but not me. And gets angry when I email him. That started the recent falling out. Then I invited him to my house for an hour, and he was less than comfortable. He stood in my living room texting someone while I tried to finish myself with a vibrator. It was terrible. He was very uncomfortable there and I think left his family to see me, which bothered him.

He told me recently that I was being manipulative. And I didn't get that he really didn't want me to email any more and be conversational. I kept emailing! I even decided to take a 30 day break from email and Instill emailed him on Friday! Mainly to alert him that I would be in his neighborhood and as a courtesy notification. He just won't respond to my email and I can't call him, he only calls me.

All that background for this:
He says I am manipulative. Am I?
I would email over and over because I wanted him to respond. I was super kind to him because I wanted to be his friend. I am open and honest to him when I'm not to other friends because I know he is analyzing me.. I don't like to talk on the phone so I email - and he hates email. I helped him out of his situations second time because I wanted him to like me more. That's all manipulative, right?

Truth:
I don't want to hear about the affair part. I want to hear about the relationship part. My husband knows I've been with another woman, although I haven't told him about my friend yet...

I like him a lot. We have amazing sexual chemistry. Good banter. Very similar personalities. I don't want to see him for sex more than once a month, but I still would like a monthly phone call and a couple emails to chit-chat. He is in the mental health field, so doesn't have extra emotional wattage to give - I get that, I don't want that. But I think I was communicating more than he wanted, I just didn't catch on to that... Until it's always too late.

Was I manipulative, or is he falsely analyzing me?

I don't want to let go of him yet, but I think he views me as a patient that can come and go and not as a friend. If we aren't going to have sex, I am okay, but I feel like I'm losing a friend. We shared so much.