Hello,

I'm posting because I've had a significantly negative and, in my opinion, unjust experience with university officials and supervisors regarding my mental health diagnoses.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD resulting from childhood sexual abuse perpetrated by a sibling along with an adult experience of sexual assault, as well as Major Depressive Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I also suffer from intermittent, but severe bouts of insomnia.

Let me be clear: when I am suffering from a major depressive episode my symptoms are very severe. Symptoms include serious suicidal ideation and planning, sometimes self-harming, participating in risky behaviors, feeling tired all of the time, ceasing to accomplish anything (including necessary and simple tasks such as brushing teeth or leaving my apartment), struggling to fall asleep (often resulting in fewer than 15 hours of sleep in an entire week), forgetting/failing to drink water or eat (this once resulted in an ER visit), isolation, difficulty concentrating, and chronic physical pain. In addition, I am sometimes affected by PTSD symptoms as well which also diminish my ability to fall asleep and stay asleep due to disturbing nightmares or near-hallucinations of people intending to harm me or sounds of people coming into my home. I also suffer from chronic physical illness, including sciatica, scoliosis, arthritis, TMJ, and a birth defect in my lumbar vertebrae that causes back pain. Anxiety often arises and causes adrenaline rushes and a general feeling of dread in my daily life when symptoms are not in control.

In January of this year, I had begun student teaching to complete the last coursework of my degree program as an education major before graduation. At this time, I was fully symptomatic, by no purposeful actions on my part. There were days that I would go to work (my student teaching placement) for about eight hours having only slept for two hours and not having eaten for a few days, yet I would still arrive on time, try my very best to both appear healthy, and put as much effort as possible into accomplishing my work goals. In this period of time, I suffered a sexual assault perpetrated by a man whom I had been spending time with and also came to the personal realization that I had been in love with my female best friend who had left to serve as a missionary for 18 months after a falling out between she and I. I also came out to myself as bisexual. I grew up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which is decidedly opposed to gay rights and equal rights, to phrase it mildly. I had very little support and almost no friends and my medication had ceased to provide therapeutic benefit. I suffered from stress induced chronic illnesses including back pain, body aches, migraines, fatigue, nine bouts of tonsillitis in four months, and various flus and colds. For all of these illnesses and symptoms, I sought professional assistance. I attended both individual and group therapy, chiropractic adjustments, and episodic appointments with a nurse practitioner who was familiar with my case. For three weeks, I attempted to fulfill my requirements at work, only to be met with harsh criticism and humiliation. I concede that I was not at optimal performance and that my boss could not have known the personal problems I was suffering from and so perceived my poor performance as lack of effort or lack of expertise. Finally, after coming very close to ending my life, attending a crisis intervention appointment at my university counseling center, and making a safety plan to avoid committing suicide, I decided that I could not perform well enough in student teaching to provide a fair education to the students or to learn as much as I needed to learn through the process in my current state. I feel that this decision was made in good judgement and was a mature conclusion at which to have arrived. However, my withdrawal from student teaching was treated in the exact manner that a dismissal or termination of student teaching is treated, in the sense that I was told that I would have to appeal my reasons for ending student teaching and present a case with which to persuade my supervisors to grant me a second student teaching placement the next spring. I was subjected to a lengthy appeal process in which I was decidedly made to feel as if I had done something irresponsible or was inexpert in my field, even though my advisors and supervisors were aware of my mental health diagnoses and of my symptoms. When the date of my appeal arrived, I presented an oral presentation of the rest, treatment, and consideration that had gone into my choice to withdraw as well as my recuperation efforts and process. I also presented documentation provided with signatures from the university counseling center, my personal therapist, and my nurse practitioner with details of my treatment and my progress, including my various diagnoses. The verdict was made that because I had shown a lack of "passion" in my professional disposition and work that I would have to provide evidence of my competence by completing a regimen of coursework and research as determined by the very same supervisors who had initiated the disciplinary process in the first place.

I feel that this was extremely unfair. I had nearly come to terms with the conditions of my reinstatement and the verdict of the appeal when I recently heard the story of another student who had had difficulty in student teaching. This student was in the same program that I am attempting to complete. He was assigned to a teacher who did not understand the teaching philosophy taught at my university, and after a period of time dismissed the student from student teaching. This student provided evidence of his execution and planning of lessons, which had been in accordance with the standards of my university and its philosophy. The members of his appeal board determined that because the difficulty of his situation arouse by no fault of this student, that he would not only be granted another placement without requirement of additional coursework, but would also be given a scholarship with which to finance his tuition for the coming semester. I feel that both his and my difficulties in student teaching were caused by no faults of our own. We both suffered for reasons beyond our control. We both made extreme effort in order to ameliorate the issues that presented. However, he was treated with far more dignity and justice than I.

My questions, finally, are these: Are you of the opinion that discrimination due to mental illness was perpetrated against me, as I am? Do you hold the opinion that there is something that I should have done, practically, in order to heal or control symptoms of my disorders and illnesses that I did not do? Is there a legal process that you know of through which I could appeal or protest the findings and actions of my university's officials involved in this matter?

Thank you all!
autumnleaves

P.S. I should add that I had previously been in excellent standing in my university, held leadership positions, held paying jobs as a teacher, and that the appeal board for the other student was composed of the exact individuals who were present at my appeal.